Do all kisses have tongue? Let‘s dig into the data

Sup readers! Terry here, back again to sink my teeth into another juicy topic – literally. Today we‘re exploring whether tonguing it down is a requirement for kissing or just one spicy option in the makeout playbook.

As a red-blooded, romcom-watching millennial, I‘ve had my fair share of kisses – some sloppy, some sweet, and some downright confusing. That got me wondering: is a mouth maze of twisting tongues totally necessary for showing affection, or is this unrealistic Hollywood hype?

Let‘s examine the data and kisspectations around tongue technique to find out. Pucker up!

Tongue kissing 101: Definitions and mechanics

Before we get to preferences, let‘s define our terms. What exactly classifies as a tongue kiss anyway?

Tongue kissing (aka French kissing): A kiss where partners open their mouths and touch tongues. It can range from briefly touching the tips of tongues to deep mouth probing.

No tongue kissing: Any kiss where mouths stay closed and tongues remain inside. Think sweet pecks, lip locking, Eskimo kisses.

Now for the nitty gritty of how our mouths mash together…

The mechanics of tongue kissing

• Partners tilt heads opposite ways to avoid nose collisions
• Mouths open, tongues tentatively touch or probe deeper
• Saliva and bacteria are exchanged as tongues mingle
• Duration can last from a quick tongue touch to an extended 5+ minute makeout

Going no-tongue

• Lips purse and pucker for closed mouth pecks
• Heads can tilt but no mouth opening needed
• Focus stays on varying lip pressure and angles
• Cheek, forehead, ear kisses work too!

So in summary, tongue choice comes down to whether you go for an open wet kiss or keep it closed and dry. Now let‘s unpack whether one is better.

To tongue or not to tongue: Preferences and perceptions

Do most people actually enjoy swapping spit and tangling tongues? Or is this just on-screen smoke and mirrors?

The data reveals a spectrum of preferences:

• 23% of Americans say they don‘t use tongue when romantically kissing their partner, per Kinsey Institute survey.
• 33% of single Americans reported no open mouth kissing in their most recent hookups, per 2014 study.
• Conversely, 67% do pash with tongue, at least occasionally.

So while tongue is prevalent, it‘s clearly not a universal preference or requirement.

Double standards around tongue

Interestingly, there‘s a sexual double standard:

• 95% of men in the Kinsey study say they use tongue kissing while hooking up.
• But only 58% of women reported using tongue in casual scenarios.

This supports that women often feel pressured or shamed for tongue kissing outside of relationships, while it‘s encouraged for men. 👎

Perceptions around tongue use

Some common misconceptions on the kisspert spectrum:

• MYTH: Tongue kissing is necessarily raunchier or sexier.
• MYTH: Less tongue = lower passion or connection.
• MYTH: No tongue = you‘re inexperienced or a "prude."
• MYTH: Men universally want wetter, sloppier kisses.

Reality: It truly comes down to personal taste. There are plenty of sexy, steamy ways to kiss sans tongue. And preferences don‘t correlate with kissperience.

Now that we‘ve cleared up assumptions, let‘s dig into reasons people opt out of tongue tangoing.

Top reasons for no tongue kissing

There are many motivations for keeping your mouth mechanics low-key. A few of the most common:

1. Taking things slow

You may choose to build anticipation and sexual tension by starting with closed mouth kisses, working your way up to tongue when you‘re both ready. Think of it like bases – you don‘t have to tongue-slam a home run your first time at kiss! Taking it slow can heighten excitement.

2. Comfort levels

Some people simply don‘t enjoy the sensation of swapping spit and swirling tongues. No shame in that! We all have different comfort zones.

As intimacy coach Allana Pratt told me:

“There are so many options for showing affection beyond tongue wrestling! Find what makes both people melt, without pressuring yourself to French.”

3. Bad experience

If someone kissed you too aggressively with tongue before, you may associate open mouth kissing with discomfort. Taking tongue off the table can help rebuild trust in physical intimacy.

4. Cultural/religious norms

Certain cultural or faith-based traditions favor closed mouth kissing. Respecting those beliefs is important.

5. Germ phobia

Some people dislike swapping saliva because it spreads bacteria. Fair enough! There are risks of transmitting illness through spit.

6. Focusing sensation

Less tongue allows you to hone in on the feeling of lip pressure and friction. For some, that‘s a more pleasurable focus.

7. Technique issues

If your partner isn‘t the most refined French kisser, you may nix tongue to avoid subpar experiences.

Pro tips for passionate no-tongue makeouts

Avoiding tongue doesn‘t have to be a snoozefest. Here are my top tips for keeping it steamy:

• Vary head angles: Tilt your head left, right, up, down. Switching angles creates new sensations.

• Tease with almost-openings: As you‘re kissing, temporarily part your lips then close them again. The mini false start builds anticipation.

• Use lip pressure patterns: Try alternating soft, featherlight pecks with longer, firmer lip presses.

• Gently nibble: Lightly pulling on your partner‘s bottom or upper lip with your teeth adds a subtle sexy edge.

• Throw in neck kisses: Trail delicate kisses from their lips down to their neck and shoulders.

• Get handsy: Caress their face, play with their hair, rub their back and arms. Hands enrich the experience.

• Make eye contact: Pull back to lock eyes, smile, giggle, or raise eyebrows. The nonverbal connection is hot.

• Go in with passion: There‘s no need to be tentative. Kiss them like you mean it!

Steamy no-tongue ideas

• Surprise them by grabbing their face into a passionate, movie-style kiss.
• Walk them backwards towards a wall while lip locking.
• Straddle or sit on their lap while making out.
• Kiss down their neck towards their chest.
• Gently tug their hair.
• Let soft moans escape.
• Break kissing to smile/laugh together before resuming. This builds intimacy.

See, you can totally bring the heat without tonguing!

Alternatives to tongue kissing

Tongue is only one spice in the sensual kiss menu. Here are other delightful options:

Lip nibbling

Gently take their upper or lower lip between your lips and teeth. Nibble, tug, and release. The light biting sensation is thrilling.

Ear play

Try gently kissing, breathing into, or tracing the outer rim of their ear with your lips and tongue (you can use a little tongue for ear stuff). Super sensual!

Neck kisses

Plant soft kisses slowly down the sides of their neck, then work your way back up. Let your lips linger near their collar bone.

Jawline action

Trail delicate kisses along their jawline. You can also experiment with soft biting along the jaw and chin.

Lip tracing

Use the tip of your tongue to slowly trace the outline of their lips. This teases without full tongue-tangling.

Nose kisses

Take a break from mouth kissing to give each other sweet Eskimo kisses by rubbing your noses together. Adorable!

And those are just the tip of the iceberg. Keep playing with creative combos to see what clicks.

How to (awkwardly) bring this up

Alright, real talk – avoiding tongue can be a tricky conversation, especially with a new cutie. Here are my tips for breaking the ice:

Time it right

Don‘t spring it on them in the heat of the moment. Bring up kissing preferences before you start macking. Outside of sexy contexts, it‘s less awkward.

Frame it positively

Focus on what you do enjoy about kissing over what you don‘t like. For example:

"I really love taking things slow and building anticipation with kissing. I’m big into soft lip kissing and neck nuzzles."

Reassure them

Make it clear your preferences aren‘t a judgment of them. For example:

"I‘m just weirdly particular about tongues in my mouth. It‘s 100% a me thing, not you!"

Ask about their likes

Invite them to share their kissing preferences too. Making it a two-way convo prevents putting them on the spot.

Show appreciation

If they respond well, thank them for being respectful and not pressuring you. Positive reinforcement!

Bottom line: someone worth kissing will listen to your boundaries without judgement. Don‘t be ashamed to speak up.

Kissing history: How tongues came to be

Believe it or not, tongue kissing is a relatively modern invention in the grand history of smooching. Let‘s get historical!

• Ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics depict closed mouth kissing back in 3,500 BC.
• Ancient Vedic Sanskrit texts outlined 30+ types of kisses – most no tongue. Examples: eyelash kiss, sucking kiss, nip kiss. Saucy!
• The Kama Sutra (300-400AD) described techniques for lip kissing, face kissing, body kissing – but no tongue.
• Open mouth kissing didn‘t appear in writing/artwork until the 16th century AD. Still no tongue though.
• Tongue kissing was first documented in the Karma Sutra of India in the 1300‘s, but seen as taboo.
• 1800‘s: Mouth-to-mouth kissing increased in Europe. But tongues touching was still seen as vulgar.
• 1900‘s: The invention of motion picture helped popularize tongue kissing in the 1920‘s. Thanks Hollywood!

So in summary, tongue twisting is a pretty modern Western invention, and far from universally practiced throughout history. #TheMoreYouKnow

Now that we‘ve peeled back the history, let‘s glimpse at the future…

The future of kissing

While French kissing prevails in pop culture today, I suspect kiss trends will continue evolving.

We may see less tongue action for health reasons post-COVID. We may see new creative kiss types catch on thanks to social media. And we may see kisses becoming more personalized based on each person‘s preferences.

But whatever the future brings, let‘s leave kiss shaming in the past. There‘s no one right way to kiss – just find what clicks for you!

Parting thoughts

At the end of the day, kissing comes down to mutual enthusiasm and exploration. Not everyone enjoys tongue tornadoes – and that‘s perfectly fine.

As long as you and your lip lock partner communicate openly, you can have an awesome time mixing and matching sensual mouth moves. Follow your bliss, and happy kissing!

Now pucker up and go practice some no-tongue techniques. I believe in you!