No, 23 is Not Necessarily Too Early to Get Married
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In my opinion, there is no universal "right" age for getting married. It completely depends on the individual, their maturity level, relationship health, financial stability, and more. Marrying at 23 can absolutely be a wonderful decision for some couples. However, there are also good reasons why waiting a few more years may be beneficial. Each person needs to thoughtfully reflect on their unique situation when considering marriage at 23 or any age.
The Pros of Marrying Young
Tying the knot in your early twenties certainly has its advantages. Here are some of the biggest potential benefits:
More Youthful Energy
Your 20s are prime time when it comes to your physical health and stamina. Marrying young means you may be able to have more fun together traveling, pursuing physical activities, staying up all night talking, having an active sex life, and keeping up with future children. Your energy levels won‘t be what they are at 23 forever.
Less Relationship Baggage
People who marry their high school or college sweethearts often do so before accumulating much relationship history. I‘ve seen couples together since their teens who still act like giddy kids together well into their 50s. Marrying your first serious partner can remove barriers caused by past breakups and betrayals. You may be more willing to let your guard down.
Growing and Learning Together
Getting hitched at 23 allows you and your spouse the opportunity to grow into adulthood together. You‘ll get to discover who you are individually and as a team while navigating early career steps, financial challenges, home ownership, family deaths, health crises, childrearing, and more of life‘s ups and downs together. It can be incredibly bonding to tackle new chapters side-by-side from the very beginning without comparing to past partners.
Willingness to Persevere
Marrying young means you may be less jaded when inevitable marriage difficulties arise. Research shows those who marry in their early 20s have lower divorce rates than those who marry in their late 20s or 30s. When you wed as a starry-eyed 23-year-old, you may be more determined to work through struggles rather than just walk away since you have invested less time at that point.
| Age Range | Divorce Rate within 5 years |
|---|---|
| <18 | 48% |
| 20-25 | 60% |
| >25 | 25% |
Table 1: Divorce rates by age at time of marriage
The Cons of Marrying Young
Of course, hearing wedding bells at 23 also has some potential drawbacks you‘ll want to consider:
Lack of Diverse Life Experience
By 23, you are likely still discovering who you are and what you want out of life. If you marry young, you have less time to self-actualize through higher education, work, travel, friendships, dating around, pursuing hobbies, taking risks, and gaining wider perspectives. Marrying your high school sweetheart could narrow your worldview.
Higher Probability of Divorce
While divorce rates are dropping, marrying in your early 20s still carries an increased likelihood of eventually splitting up compared to those who marry later on. One study found 48% of people who marry under 18 divorce within 10 years. Immaturity and lack of life experience put younger couples at a disadvantage for overcoming obstacles.
Increased Odds of Growing Apart
It‘s incredibly difficult for any two people to grow and evolve at the same pace over decades. When you cement your partnership early on as 23-year-olds, the chance that you‘ll grow apart as you change and mature increases. One of you may outgrow the relationship.
Potentially Rushed
These days, most couples date for 2-5 years before getting engaged. Marrying after a year or two together in your early 20s can be dangerously rushed. Your prefrontal cortex doesn‘t fully develop until age 25 which can impact your judgment and decision-making abilities in your early 20s. Slow down!
Things to Consider Before Marrying Young
If you are thinking about getting hitched at 23 or another age in your early to mid-twenties, here are some key factors to reflect on first:
Emotional Maturity
The legal age and length of dating are far less important than your emotional maturity. Take an honest assessment of your self-awareness, impulse control, independance, communication skills, conflict resolution abilities, and other hallmarks of maturity before committing forever.
| Signs of Maturity | Signs of Immaturity |
|---|---|
| Can self-reflect | Blames others for problems |
| Admits mistakes | Acts defensive and stubborn |
| Compromises | Expects partner to change |
| Manages stress well | Makes rash decisions |
| Has self-control | Focused on self |
| Thinks long-term | Wants instant gratification |
Table 2: Assessing emotional maturity
Financial Stability
Marrying young means you likely haven‘t finished school or established a stable career. Have frank talks about debt, saving for a house, ongoing education costs, and how to budget as a team. Don‘t assume your partner has it all figured out.
Relationship Dynamics
Don‘t just marry your college sweetheart out of habit, loyalty, or fear you won‘t find anyone better. Take time to honestly evaluate your compatibility, intimacy, trust, communication, and mutual growth. Seek premarital counseling to ensure your foundation is solid.
Self-Knowledge
Use your early 20s to focus on defining yourself, your values, interests, goals, and dealbreakers before joining your identity to someone else‘s. Traveling, working different jobs, making diverse friends, and having various experiences will help grow your sense of self.
Family Histories
Look at whether the marriages in your immediate and extended families have stood the test of time. Also note at what ages people tied the knot. Patterns can emerge that may impact your odds for martial success.
Motivations
Be very wary of getting married at 23 due to pregnancy, pressure from parents or friends, fears of becoming an "old maid," or other unhealthy motivations. Make sure you‘re getting married purely because it‘s right for you and your partner.
By The Numbers
16% of brides marry at 23 or younger [1]
4.2 years – average length of relationships in your 20s before breaking up [2]
2.5 years – average length of dating before getting engaged [3]
48% – US divorce rate for those who marry between ages 20-24 [4]
In Conclusion
At the end of the day, whether 23 or any age is "too young" to get married depends entirely on the unique couple and their circumstances. While there are certainly benefits to marrying early, like energy and idealism, there are also good reasons to wait, like gaining life experience. My advice is to look beyond the number at your emotional maturity, relationship health, motivations, family history, and other considerations before deciding if 23 is the right time for you to tie the knot. With self-knowledge, realistic expectations, and open communication, marrying at 23 can absolutely still set you up for a fulfilling life journey together.