Keeping Kids Safe on TikTok: A Cyber Security Expert‘s Guide for Parents

As a cyber security professional who has worked for over a decade to protect sensitive data, I‘ve seen firsthand how challenging it can be to keep information secure in our digital world. But when it comes to young people on social media apps like TikTok, the stakes are even higher. It‘s not just data at risk, but our kids‘ emotional well-being, safety, and privacy.

TikTok has skyrocketed to become one of the most popular social platforms, particularly among pre-teens and teenagers. A Fall 2022 Pew Research survey found that 67% of 13-17 year olds use TikTok, with 16% saying they are on the app "almost constantly." For kids even younger, TikTok use is also surging, leaving many parents wondering – is TikTok safe for my 12-year-old?

As a father myself, I understand the desire to protect our kids while also letting them explore new technologies. The good news is, by implementing layers of security controls, having ongoing conversations about online risks, and staying closely engaged in kids‘ digital lives, it‘s possible to create a safer TikTok experience.

Locking Down Privacy & Security Settings

One of the first lines of defense is ensuring your child‘s TikTok account is set up with maximum security and privacy protections. The app has a variety of built-in features and parental controls to limit who can view, comment on, and directly message your child.

I highly recommend setting up TikTok‘s Family Pairing right away. This allows you to link your own account to your child‘s, so you can remotely manage key safety settings like:

• Enabling Restricted Mode to filter out mature content
• Setting screen time limits and hours when TikTok can‘t be used
• Controlling who can comment on your kid‘s videos, or turning comments off
• Deciding who can see your kid‘s likes and following
• Disabling direct messages entirely

To establish Family Pairing:

1. Create your own TikTok account and go to your profile page
2. Tap the three dots and go to "Digital Wellbeing"
3. Select "Family Pairing" and choose "Parent"
4. On your child‘s phone, access TikTok settings and tap "Digital Wellbeing"
5. Choose "Family Pairing" and select "Teen"
6. Scan the QR code on your child‘s device using your phone to link the accounts

In addition to these controls, make sure your child‘s TikTok profile is completely private. Go to their account settings and turn on "Private Account" so only approved followers can see their content. I also suggest disabling the "Suggest Your Account to Others" feature to limit your kid‘s public reach.

It‘s a good idea to stay logged into your child‘s account on your own device, so you can regularly monitor activity, messages, and posted content. Make sure your 12-year-old knows you have access and will be checking in to ensure their safety.

Understanding TikTok‘s Data and Security Practices

While locking down individual account settings is critical, it‘s also important for parents to recognize how TikTok handles the vast swaths of user data it collects and the potential security risks this presents.

According to TikTok‘s Privacy Policy, the app gathers a wide range of information on users, including:

• Registration info like username, age, phone number, and email
• Profile information and user-generated content (videos, comments, messages)
• Social connections and behavioral patterns
• Device location and IP address
• Web browsing and search history
• Cookies and tracking pixels for ad targeting

This extensive data collection occurs even for TikTok‘s youngest users and leaves pre-teens vulnerable to oversharing personal details. In 2022, 63% of 12-year-olds admitted to revealing their real names on social profiles, 32% shared their school name, and 14% even posted their phone number, according to a McAfee study.

There are also broader concerns about how TikTok accesses and stores all this sensitive data due to its ownership by Chinese company ByteDance. China has national security laws that require companies to share user data with the government upon request, sparking worries that TikTok acts as a surveillance tool.

In 2023, TikTok implemented "Project Texas," a plan to bolster data security by routing all US traffic through Oracle Cloud Infrastructure and establishing more rigorous data oversight and auditing practices. However, many cyber security experts still question whether American user data is truly protected from the Chinese government.

While we can educate kids about strengthening privacy settings and being cautious about revealing too much, it‘s near impossible to avoid TikTok‘s sweeping data collection altogether. The best parents can do is stay informed on the app‘s evolving security practices and potential vulnerabilities to determine their family‘s risk tolerance.

Monitoring Content and Interactions

Perhaps the most obvious concern with pre-teens on TikTok is exposure to inappropriate content. Unlike some social apps, TikTok‘s main feed is mostly strangers‘ public posts appearing in a continuous scrolling stream. This throws kids into the vast ocean of TikTok content and interactions with little control over what they might encounter.

A 2023 NewsGuard report found that in 10 minutes of scrolling, a 12-year-old test account was served five videos mentioning suicide, four with sexual content, and two promoting eating disorders – despite TikTok‘s content being rated 12+. Violent images, hate speech, profanity, and references to drugs and alcohol are also alarmingly common.

While TikTok uses a combination of human moderators and AI algorithms to identify and take down posts that violate Community Guidelines, plenty of unsavory content slips through the cracks. Turning on Restricted Mode can help limit this, but explicit lyrics, suggestive dance moves, and mature themes are still prevalent even under these filters.

Beyond the content itself, TikTok‘s interactive features like comments, direct messages, duets, and stitches expose kids to potential bullying, trolling, and even grooming by ill-intentioned adults. Sixty-four percent of tweens say they‘ve experienced harassment on social apps, according to a 2022 Common Sense Media survey.

Disabling TikTok comments and DMs as outlined above is a good start. But you‘ll also need to keep close tabs on your child‘s usage and have regular conversations about:

• Understanding that the "reality" of TikTok is highly curated and filtered
• Thinking critically about the content they see and the people they interact with
• Never engaging with adult strangers or revealing personal details
• Immediately coming to you with concerns or questions without fear of getting in trouble
• Taking breaks from TikTok when feeling upset, insecure, or overwhelmed by content
• Knowing it‘s okay to unfollow accounts or leave conversations that make them uncomfortable

If you see problematic usage patterns or suspect your child has experienced harassment, it may be necessary to further restrict TikTok access. In serious cases, completely deleting the app, at least temporarily, may be the best solution.

"Parents need to recognize that 12-year-olds are still developing the cognitive and emotional skills to navigate complex online spaces like TikTok," says Dr. Michael Rich, director of the Digital Wellness Lab at Boston Children‘s Hospital. "Close oversight, clear boundaries, and regular check-ins are essential for keeping tweens safe and emotionally supported."

The Dangers of Viral Challenges

Over the past few years, a number of dangerous "challenges" have emerged on TikTok encouraging kids to engage in risky, and even illegal, behaviors. The app‘s unique "For You Page" algorithm and highly visual format make these challenges spread like wildfire.

Some notorious examples:

• The "Blackout Challenge" daring users to asphyxiate themselves until passing out
• The "Kia Challenge" showing how to hot-wire Kia and Hyundai cars using cell phone chargers
• The "Borg" or "Borgs" trend promoting binge drinking homemade cocktails out of gallon jugs
• The "Benadryl Challenge" enticing kids to film themselves hallucinating after taking excessive doses of the medication
• The "Skull Breaker Challenge" involving tricking someone into jumping and then kicking their feet out from under them

These viral stunts have been linked to serious injuries, car thefts, overdoses, and even deaths among young TikTok users. One in five tweens admits to participating in online dares, according to a 2022 UK government report.

While TikTok has taken steps to remove some of these challenges, new ones are constantly emerging. Content moderators simply can‘t keep up with the volume of uploads or the speed at which they proliferate.

It‘s critical for parents to proactively discuss the risks of challenges with kids before they appear on their TikTok feeds.

"Sit down with your child and explain that these challenges aren‘t harmless fun – they can have serious, long-term consequences," recommends Titania Jordan, Chief Marketing Officer at family internet safety app Bark. "Make sure they understand to never participate, even if a friend is pressuring them."

If you hear your kid talking about a specific challenge or using associated terms like "Kia Boyz," immediately check their TikTok history. Watch out for sudden shifts in behavior like changes in sleep patterns, increased secrecy around device use, or hanging out with a new friend group. Don‘t hesitate to get stricter with TikTok monitoring or remove access entirely if you sense they‘re at risk.

Fostering Healthy TikTok Habits

While TikTok poses clear risks, it‘s not realistic (or even beneficial) for most parents to ban it entirely. When used responsibly, the app offers tweens an outlet for creative expression, a way to learn new skills, and a sense of community. The infectious songs, silly skits, and imaginative effects can be just plain fun for kids.

Rather than demonizing TikTok, aim to foster healthy, balanced habits around its use. That starts with modeling appropriate screen time limits. Use TikTok‘s Family Pairing settings to cap your kid‘s daily time spent swiping through videos. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends tweens get no more than one hour per day of non-educational screen time.

It‘s also important for parents to understand and respect the role TikTok plays in their child‘s social world.

"For tweens, TikTok isn‘t just entertainment – it‘s a critical space for forging connections, seeking validation, and developing their identities," says Dr. Devorah Heitner, author of Screenwise: Helping Kids Thrive in Their Digital World. "Dismissing it as a waste of time undermines its importance to this age group."

Instead, Dr. Heitner suggests parents try to appreciate their kid‘s TikTok creations and use them as conversation starters. Ask about the new dance they learned, the prank they pulled, or the cool video effect they discovered. Show interest in their viewing habits and offer thoughts on questionable content or behaviors you observe.

You might even consider creating silly TikToks together to bond over shared interests or challenges. Engaging with the app as a family can encourage more responsible use and model the perspective that TikTok is just one small part of a well-rounded life.

Most importantly, promote open, ongoing communication about your tween‘s online experiences. Reinforce that you‘re always there to listen without judgment. Initiate regular check-ins about what they‘re seeing, learning, and feeling on the app. By staying connected and involved, you equip them to navigate digital interactions more safely and skillfully.

The Bottom Line

There‘s no one-size-fits-all approach to keeping 12-year-olds safe on TikTok. Each family must weigh the app‘s risks, benefits, and their own child‘s maturity level to determine appropriate boundaries.

At minimum, I urge all parents of tweens to:

1. Make accounts fully private and enable Family Pairing controls
2. Stay informed on TikTok‘s data and security practices
3. Regularly monitor content, comments, and DMs for red flags
4. Proactively discuss online risks and how to handle tricky situations
5. Watch for signs of distress, bullying, or dangerous challenge participation
6. Model healthy screen habits and bond over positive TikTok use as a family
7. Foster non-judgmental communication about your kid‘s online life

Parenting in the TikTok era is undeniably challenging. But by combining technical controls with emotional support and open communication, we can empower our kids to more safely enjoy the digital world.