What is the new pronoun for non binary? An in-depth look

ByNelson Ayers

Gender pronouns indicate how a person identifies their gender. For those who identify as non-binary – meaning their gender identity falls outside the male/female binary – finding pronouns that accurately reflect their sense of self can be very important. This article will provide a comprehensive, friendly guide to non-binary pronouns, from their origins to why proper usage matters.

A quick overview

Non-binary or genderqueer people may prefer gender-neutral pronouns rather than he/him or she/her. The most common pronouns used are:

  • They/them/theirs (singular)
  • Ze/hir/hirs
  • Xe/xem/xyr

But there are many pronouns to choose from as language evolves. The key is respecting each person‘s preference. With an open mindset, we can learn new pronouns and help create an inclusive world. This article explores non-binary pronouns in-depth!

The history and significance of non-binary pronouns

The use of gender-neutral pronouns dates back centuries, though limited. In the late 1800s, some pushed for the use of "he/she" or even new pronouns like "thon" to avoid gender assumptions.

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, the use of singular they emerged in the early 1300s. But only recently has they/them become widely accepted as a non-binary pronoun.

In the 1970s, neopronouns like ze/hir appeared. Pioneering psychologists saw the need for pronouns other than he or she. Their work shone light on the non-binary community.

Gender-neutral pronouns provide validation and dignity. They empower non-binary individuals to live as their true selves. Using someone‘s correct pronouns, even when unfamiliar, makes them feel welcomed, respected, and safe.

Embracing the use of singular they/them/theirs

They/them/theirs used in the singular has become a common non-binary pronoun set. Some hesitate to use they/them grammatically, since we‘re taught it is only plural. But many style guides, dictionaries, and universities have embraced the singular they.

The APA Style Manual states it‘s appropriate in context where gender is unknown or irrelevant. Some examples:

  • My friend Alex loves skateboarding. I hope they get a new board for their birthday.

  • Someone left their notebook here. I hope they come back for it.

Using singular they is inclusive of all genders. It avoids assumptions and feels natural, especially as people increasingly identify as non-binary. With practice, you‘ll become comfortable using they/them pronouns conversationally and in writing.

Getting familiar with neopronouns like ze/hir

Neopronouns emerged as an alternative for those who don‘t identify with he/him or she/her. Some commonly used neopronouns include:

Ze/hir – Ze is pronounced like "zee" and hir is pronounced like "here"

Xe/xem – Xe is pronounced like "zee" and xem is pronounced like "zem"

For example:

  • Ze went to the skatepark and forgot hir knee pads. I hope ze stays safe.

  • I rode bikes with Riya today! Xe is pretty good at wheelies. I‘m glad I met xem.

Like they/them, neopronouns may sound strange until we practice them. But they allow non-binary people to express themselves in language.

According to non-binary writer Jonah Mix, "Neopronouns…help non-binary people feel seen in a world dominated by the gender binary."

Why use someone‘s preferred pronouns?

You may feel awkward or uncertain using unfamiliar pronouns at first. But the discomfort of learning new pronouns is nothing compared to the pain of being misgendered.

Using someone‘s preferred pronouns, even neopronouns, ensures you respect their gender identity. It signals your support and creates welcoming spaces for non-binary folks.

Some tips for getting comfortable with non-binary pronouns:

  • Practice sentences with they/them and neopronouns like ze/hir
  • Add your pronouns to your email signature or social media
  • Follow non-binary influencers who share pronoun usage tips

With time, you‘ll develop the habit and it will feel natural. More importantly, you‘ll make the world a little easier for non-binary people to navigate.

Non-binary pronouns in action

Here are some examples of non-binary pronouns used conversationally:

"Hey friends! This is my partner Reese. They use ze/hir pronouns."

"In my bio, I share that I use she/her or they/them pronouns. Either work for me!"

"I‘m glad your organization has an option to add pronouns to our email signature. I put he/him/his in mine."

And some examples in writing contexts:

Jules was considering what to wear to the party. They had bought a new dress last week that ze really loved. Ze decided to pair it with hir favorite necklace.

When the barista asked for xyr name, Riya said "Xe/xem, please. Thank you for asking!" Xe smiled as xyr coffee was handed over.

Using non-binary pronouns signals allyship. With practice, it becomes natural and even empowering!

Tips for using non-binary pronouns consistently

Like any new habit, using non-binary pronouns requires commitment and repetition. Here are some personal tips I‘ve found helpful:

  • When you learn someone‘s pronouns, repeat them to yourself. "Their name is Alex and their pronouns are they/them."

  • If you slip up, correct yourself in the moment and move on. Don‘t dwell on the mistake.

  • Practice sentences in your head using they/them or neopronouns. The more repetition, the more natural it becomes.

  • Follow non-binary influencers and media using non-binary pronouns. Immerse yourself.

  • Ask for reminders if needed. Most non-binary folks will politely correct you.

With time, these new pronouns will roll off your tongue. Be patient with yourself as you learn.

Why some prefer neopronouns over singular they

You may wonder why people select neopronouns instead of the more common singular they. Some reasons include:

  • They want a pronoun unassociated with any gender. They/them still feels connected to the concept of binary gender.

  • They feel they/them draws too much attention or explanation. Neopronouns, while unfamiliar, are self-explanatory.

  • They want to highlight the fact that gender exists outside the binary. Novel pronouns provoke questions.

  • They feel uniquely seen and validated by neopronouns created specifically for non-binary folks.

As non-binary advocate Cassian Lotte explains, "My pronouns both affirm my identity and amplify that identity to invoke change in conversations around gender."

The challenges ahead and why pronouns matter

While non-binary pronouns are gaining acceptance, those who use them still face ridicule or resistance. Some argue neopronouns move too far from linguistic norms, while others insist gender is limited to two categories.

But language evolves, and gender diversity is a human reality. No one should be denied dignity or validation because their identity makes others uncomfortable.

Continuing to use non-binary pronouns dissolves doubt and stigma. It creates community.

My hope is that this guide has offered a deeper understanding of non-binary pronouns – where they come from, why they matter, and how we can thoughtfully use them. Our language and society thrive when everyone feels seen.

Additional resources for learning about non-binary identities and pronouns:

Conclusion

I hope this guide has shed light on the important role non-binary pronouns play in achieving gender inclusivity. With compassion and practice, we can learn new ways of communicating identity. The effort required is small compared to the joy of making each person feel respected, seen, and valid.

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